New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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