WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
