OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
