Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
