I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
