Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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