dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
