You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
