do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
