Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
