so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
