What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
