Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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