my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
