I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
