i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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