Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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