Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
