we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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