o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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