There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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