Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
