Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
