ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
