I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
