We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
