The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
