new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
