i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
