I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
