ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize