I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
