Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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