Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
