She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
