You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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