drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
