I just threw up on my dentist
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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