porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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