I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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