So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
