if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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