38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
