you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
