cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
