I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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