All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
