Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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