We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want nice things and good sex
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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