u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my being single is dangerous.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
