So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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