Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
