So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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