I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
