Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
