i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
