Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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