you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
