Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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