I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
