I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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