D3 body, D1 cock
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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