My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
