Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
