just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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