I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Screwed.edu
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think brook has ever known best
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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