Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize