i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
