I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
