so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
