My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
