my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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