pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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