I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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