there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
