I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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