I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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