At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
