Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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