His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
