Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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