you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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