Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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