Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
