As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize