i wish my penis had a tongue
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
