sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
