So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
